I just made out with a guy for $7.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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