So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
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