So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
