Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
