forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
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