I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
