a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
