I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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