You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
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