you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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