i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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