I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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