she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
