dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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