There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Randomize
