i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Oh god it's open bar.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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