I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize