Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
