Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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