It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
