I think i peed on brittanys purse
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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