return my video game
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
