Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
