one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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