3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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