that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
