i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
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