meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
My penis needs a shock collar
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize