Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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