I skipped work to stalk him.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
