bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
