wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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