i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
