i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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