I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
