I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
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