I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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