I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
