I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
