Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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