saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
