The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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