I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
