it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
