She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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