Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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