If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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