Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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