Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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