I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
