drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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