East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
