Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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