im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
