So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
