I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
