i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
