How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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