69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
