i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
