So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
