Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
