My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Sober January is a disaster.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
And then my night got REAL pukey
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
