I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
