I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
