You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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