I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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