I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
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