So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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