Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
