I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
