my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
