chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
