I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
