Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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