new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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