she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
