i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
NoShamevember. You game?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
