omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
