Im at strip club and am horny
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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