Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
