Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
